Thursday, 23 September 2010

This Just In:

THE AMERICAN EMANCIPATION BOWEL EVACUATION PROCLAMATION OF SHITSDEPENDENCE
from our US Feminine Hygiene correspondent


"We all must accept some acts, regardless of their tendencies to cause revolt, as basic human needs. We shan't be made to feel ashamed of that which we cannot control. I believe it should be an equal right bestowed unto all men (not women obviously) the right to relax on a toilet for however long need be and take a giant smelly shit. The modern world is so inundated with stresses and frustrations, that it is absolutely essential we each have those few minutes to ourselves to revel in the pleasure of relieving ones bowels.

But here today, we have been made to feel ashamed! We cower over the toilet, trembling as we try desperately to squeeze one out emitting no sound nor odor. Begging the stank out of our shit. Cursing the turd that falls with a loud plop. Heaven forbid we hear that dreaded knock on the door signifying the arrival of the next in line. Paranoia sets in as we imagine that person's look of disgust when they enter the toilet after us. We can already hear the rumors spreading far and wide of the lethal fumes only we could have been responsible for. And why? Because one person was born with a german shepherd's sense of smell and was unlucky enough to have a desk positioned directly downwind from the toilet?

Well, if I weren't a woman, and I did actually poo, I would take a stand. I would poo proudly and stankily. And heaven help me I would not spray."

No comments:

Post a Comment