The public braced themselves for more lavatorial hardship this week, with toilet paper rations brutally slashed, as the bitter conflict now being known as The Bog Standards War, looked set to rage into its second week.
Citizens have been advised to 'clench and bear it', with official government advice advising 'shelving one's poo until it sets to the consistency of partly baked clay, and glides out', in other words incubating, as Glaxo SmithKline Beecham boffins dub it, 'a self cleaning turd'.
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